try to save myself but myself keeps slipping

lame!

2008-04-11T21:15:30Z

LAME!!!!!

i should be more sad than i am...

just want to know why...

fuck.

waning_aiua @ 2007-04-06T13:58:00

2007-04-06T17:59:50Z

The Everything Test

There are many different types of tests on the internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all.

Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We're turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we've got some innovative results too! Enjoy :-)

Personality

You are more emotional than logical, more concerned about self than concerned about others, more atheist than religious, more loner than dependent, more lazy than workaholic, more rebel than traditional, more engineering mind than artistic mind, more cynical than idealist, more leader than follower, and more extroverted than introverted.

As for specific personality traits, you are adventurious (100%), romantic (71%), innovative (71%), intellectual (70%).

Stereotypes
Hippie	79%
College Student	73%
Punk Rock	73%

Life Experience
Sex	29%
Substances	41%
Travel	9%

Politics
Your political views would best be described as Liberal, whom you agree with around 68% of the time.

Socioeconomic
Your attitude toward life best associates you with Working Class. You make more than 30% of those who have taken this test, and 95% less than the U.S. average.

If your life was a movie, it would be rated PG.
By the way, your hottness rank is 60%, hotter than 48% of other test takers.

TAKE THE TEST
brought to you by thatsurveysite

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-04-04T19:00:23Z

i suddenly got really really sad. i fucking hate being sick and the strain it's putting on school, work and just being alive. my alexander professor wants me to withdraw from the class, so fuck. i might not graduate unless i kiss major ass to get by. i had to cancel my match today because i'm sick and i forgot to do it as early as i could and the atherton coach yelled at me, and i know st francis' a.d. thinks i'm lame, and i know i don't care about things, and it makes me feel like shit. i need to contact the peace corps and get an interview, but the way things are going i just don't think i care enough to be in the peace corps.

i hate pretty much everything about these past two weeks. i hate breaking down.

oh... my... a-god...

2007-03-25T00:15:32Z

*sigh* i graduate very soon. grown up world here i come. cept i don't really feel like i'm a) ready 2) care enough to try iii) or if i even know how to make choices that really matter.

first off, things are moving right along in the peace corps deal. i'll have an interview soon, and after that idevenknow. then if i'm accepted idk how soon i'll leave, and when i do, it could suck. i'm not sure how i feel about leaving. or how i feel about ... really anything. that's a weird feeling.

i watched thumbsucker to-day. it was good. i liked it a lot. keanu reeves is cool. in that spacey "i-know-kung-fu" sort of way.

gah.

tennis is going well. or as well as it can. with that in order i need to organize my school work shit better.

i just feel complacent. that's it. i feel like there's nothing wrong and i don't like it. or maybe i don't not like it, i just feel suspicious, like something might go wrong, and then i'll be ... idk. pssh. i think maybe idk.

'the trick is living without an answer. i think...'

waning_aiua @ 2007-03-05T14:28:00

2007-03-05T19:29:16Z

Create your own Friend Test here

I know that some of the questions are dumb... but ten questions is a lot to think of... and I just don't care that much.

I don't have the nice account so I can't upload photos... or I'm just dumb...

2007-02-27T19:26:46Z

Boris was put down yesterday. He was 13 years old, and was the best cat ever. His meow was heard rooms away, and greeted with smiles. Despite living with two dogs, he owned the house. Mona and Bagheera would glance around the room before entering to make sure Boris wasn't in there. He ate his fair share of mice, and chased more than his fair share of string. He survived four house moves, and numerous other pets. He was the only cat I ever got to name, and therefore became my cat, because no one else liked the name Boris. His favorite things to do were lie about and cast judgmental looks at human and dog alike; to drink milk off of my finger; to chase moths and flies to hieghts not known to many cats. I loved Boris. He was my cat.

I woke up that morning and dug a grave; the most dramatic and saddening thing I've ever done. I cried taking him to the vet to be put to sleep, and cried as I watched the life and soul drain out of his eyes. I buried him, and we are planting a Japanese Cherry tree to mark his spot forever in our yard and hearts.

*sigh* I will miss him.

oh noes!

2007-02-14T21:14:16Z

happy valentine's day crazy people! i hope all goes according to plan with all of you guys' dates and whatnot. i'm gonna chill and watch movies with megan, jen, rb, and some guy named tj.

in other news, i am fully applied to the peace corps. they will contact me about interviews and such soon, and i'll prolly leave in the fall to wherever they want me to go. school is going well. i am not falling behind nearly as much as i predicted i would given that i get outta here is 2 ... omfg. two months til i graduate. i so can't wait.

i start tennis coaching in about two weeks. that'll take up a lot of my time and hopefully get me back into some sort of shape. (what? like a rhombus?) and then i'll start eating healthier than i do now and stick with the vegetarian thing and then and then and then and then and

i made your friends page really long. have a great night e'erybody.

gesundheit!

2007-01-19T15:33:07Z

gar. i don't want to take my math class, so i'm going through all the hoops to get into other classes, which is just annoying. why would they make you decide whether or not to stay in a class (and still be able to trade it out for another) in only a week of said class? sometimes you'd only have had ONE or just two meetings of that class. if you don't decide by then you have to go to the dean's office, then to the professor you're switching to, get their permission, then write up a good enough reason WHY you missed the INCREDIBLY EARLY deadline, and then submit it for review and approval to the dean's office. friggin' lame.

but if all goes according to plan, then i'll not have probability, but will have two latin classes with a cool professor. it means more translating, but less class time overall, and no math that i don't like. plus, latin poetry and primary sources are kinda cool... i know i'm lame. but another plus is that my classes kinda overlap... alexander the great, latin 202, latin 302, and ... race, law, and american politics... well. the ancient world ones do, seeing as i'll be reading primary sources in alexander as well, just not translating them.

once that is in order, i am going to start applying for the teach for america program.

tonight = pan's labyrinth = omfgzors trippy

mwhahaha.

I think I know what you mean but watch what you say
'cause they'll be tryin' to knock you down in some way
Sometimes it feels like the world is falling asleep
How do you wake someone up from inside a dream?

Your mind would wander and searched for its place in the night
Your body followed this feeling like following light
Once that your music was born it followed you 'round
And then it gave your activities meaning and let you be loud

You're sad but you smile
It's not in your eyes
Your eyeballs won't change
It's the muscles around your eyes

An egg to fertilize
A pulse to stabilize
A body to deodorize
A life to scrutinize
A child to criticize
Young adults to modernize
Citizens to terrorize
Generations to desensitize

You're dreams are sweet and obsessed
And your overworked
You're overtaken by visions of being overlooked
How disappointed would D.(ead) I.(dealistic) D.(esperate) I.(nventor) P.(ioneer) P.(hilosophers)
Be to see such power in our hands all wasted on greed
Am I a prisoner to instincts?
Or do my thoughts just live
As free and detached
As boats to the dock?

Just like when music was born
And detached from your heart
Is your free time to free minds
Or for falling apart?

Night after night
You turn out the light
You don't fall asleep right away
"Are we... are we done?"

A desk to organize
A product to advertise
A market to monopolize
Movie stars you idolize
Leaders to scandalize
Enemies to neutralize
No time to apologize
Fury to tranquilize
Weapons to synchronize
Cities to vapor-i

"is something wrong?"

2006-09-26T07:19:57Z

you're damn right there is, but we can't talk about it now.

it's 316 am and i have a headache. i just watched american history x. it's a really goood movie. i just sat in my bed for like 45 minutes thinking. and i can't really remember the train of thought but it ended with me thinking, i want something to matter to me. i know there are things that matter... but it seems those things are pretty superficial, like it matters if i don't get a job because then i can't pay nick back or make rent or survive... but it doesn't matter in the sense that i care about it. idk. just in one of those "moods" i get in. seem to happen more often these days.

today is a good day

2006-07-26T19:12:53Z

i get to play tennis. my arm feels better. i played wow. i woke up at a decent afternoon hour. and i love the national. if only i had money, i would be entirely content. sad what makes me happy.

*sigh of relief*

OH NO!!!!!!

2006-07-01T05:40:40Z

head esplode?

azn?

hehe... alcohol.

sleepy...

2006-06-05T06:40:43Z

i've really wanted some painkillers for like the past week and a half. and i'll have you know that i haven't taken anything not otc, so i'm doing better...

blah.

i start work tonight with robby. night shift might suck considerably; especially for robby. i just really need money, and this was very little effort to get...

this house is starting to feel like a home. i have this feeling in my chest, i know that's pretty emo, but i am really happy to be here. sometimes, though, i just wish i could get away; make it so i can just be alone. this house is pretty open. not too much privacy... i guess i can always just chill in my room. it sounds kinda strange, but i sort of want this summer to just not happen, and start classes... that way i wouldn't need a job, and i could have some routine to my life.

i've been considering phi delta theta... idk how serious. it'd prolly be a waste of both time and money, along with the whole used to be in sig ep thing... idk. i'll talk to mitch. i won't do anything i don't want to.

i think that i know what it feels like to be addicted to something. there's comfort in a routine. my mom always called me a homebody. that i'd always need a place i could call my own, nearby, with people i need. i didn't really believe her til i moved out. for the first couple weeks... i guess til about now, i've really wanted the comfort of my parents' house. i guess i fear change or something... idk why this matters...

i'm reading zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance. it's interesting. right now it's dealing with the dichotomy between classical and romantic thinking; something with which i have a bit of a problem. while i'm immersed in the analytical, rational, classical worldview... i feel something is missing; probably the emotional, free-er, romantic mindset. idk where the book is heading, or if it's right, or anything, but it's caught me.

i'm not sure why exactly i felt like posting. probably to pass the time. but i don't think it makes me feel better. typing out what's bothering me, what's making me feel how i do, etc, just makes me wallow in it. i just feel it everytime i reread what i've spelled out on the screen. i guess that has some value in the long run... but who says thinking ahead gets you somewhere...

blah. this post will probably be ridiculously long. that's what lj-cuts are for.

once i have money i want to get my contacts back. i want the option. and i want to get boris here. figure out if robby can do the whole allergy medicine thing. it'd be kind of a hassle... but maybe. maybe that's what i miss about home. boris. i had dinner with my family tonight and played tennis and played with boris. maybe that's it. *sigh*

idk. godammit. why does my head do this.

i think i found a trigger. stress from thinking about how i feel. that's a shitty trigger. every time, recently, when i really try to get to the heart of wtf i think about myself, or others, or life, or anything resembling emotions, i get a headache at least, and if i keep at it i have a migraine.

maybe it's just staying up late and staring at a computer screen. fuck.

if i could i'd wish it all away,
if i thought tomorrow, they'd take you away.

OMGZORS freakin' spring break!!!!!!!!

2006-03-09T00:30:20Z

Okay. I'm hyped. but we still need to plan a buncha stuff. and howsabout friday at davids? who all from louisville is going? what are the ride sitchis? here we go:

post a comment if you are going, and if you post a comment, what would you like to drink (if anything), and when can you leave to go to lex, and who would you prefer riding with: as of now, we have nick driving, and maybe james v.

the general consensus about the sweet and glorious drinks i thought was to bring your own sweet and glorious ones, and that'll be that. well, if that's the case, and people have their shit already or lined up, good for you. but for everyone else, maybe a small communal thing can go on; like with me and nick and i kt if she's going.

and THEN, what about gatlinburg? do you all want me to ask jeff to get everything? we should get a list of what/how much we want.

maybe a planning party is in order. i know that megan and kt would be wicked happy about that... yeah. post comments like i asked (or i'll kill you) and post suggestions for what we should do about planning.

in seth news: i have my fall and spring schedule for my senior year all set out, and it's sweet. only 12 hours each semester. and all pretty easy or cool. i should graduate on time, with honors, with the university honors seal, and having written a senior honors thesis. with all that shit, i can either go to law school, grad school for teaching, or grad school for philosophy. meaning that i don't have to decide right now what i want to do for the rest of my life. so nice.

no more stress about classes now. just about writing 30 pages of original research. sigh. spring break is going to kick so much ass.